Last night, I saw my friend Mel. Whiskey, sex and dinner at his place as usual. I don't think of him as my SD- Mel is a friend who gives me financial support when we get together about once a month. I didn't have much time last night because N had just flown in from Europe. He was away for a week and he wanted to visit me. I had told him that I would be home by 10 pm. So I had to make Mel cum as fast as possible! I cut our conversation short, started making out with him quickly with passion, and I tried my best on everything I did to him while I kept looking at the clock. I was on fire!! I was doing such a great job in bed, he was begging me to stay with him forever even after I get married in the future!
As I hurried home, I was feeling very satisfied thinking of all the allowances I have received this month. $3000 from CA SD. $2000 from FL SD. $1500 from Mel. And I never mentioned this, but I have a very successful friend who sends me $1100 every month ($1600 this month for some reason). I never sleep with him and I never will. He just feels bad for me because I work really hard but not making much money yet (only if he knew how much money I'm really making on the side!). It is amazing that I made over $8000 on the side this month. I'm still pretending to be broke and saving all the money secretly. I almost never shop. I spend money only on my hair, makeup stuff and eyelash extensions (they are so worth the money!). I rarely buy clothes or shoes. All I do is save, save, save. I don't have a stable income now so I'm always terrified and nervous.
I took a quick shower then N came over. We were very happy to see each other (it had been only 10 days since we last saw each other though). I felt loved. I felt like I was his girlfriend. I was happy. While he was away, I did a lot of thinking. I broke up with him in my head every day. I cried hard every day...in my head. What we have is indescribable..nobody can understand us. I know he loves me deeply (He tells me "I love you" once a year..). We so need each other. It's just so damn hard dealing with my emotions becasue we are not a couple and never will be. I have already accepted that fact long time ago but I will never get used to this pain I go through every day.
You did have fucking good month doll! :) What I love about the SDs you have is that they aren't local so they can only see you on occasion which doesn't take up all of your time. I have a good solid SD but he's pushing to see me more which is going to be crap once school starts because I'm trying to make it official with either Mr. Jet or Mr. Pleaser who are both offering $4k/mo (or both dammit! :P) I guess I'm going to have to put my foot down make myself less available so I do have time to maximize the sugar. But you are right its not stable so the best thing to do is save! You are so smart! I can also identify a little with how you are with N. I hate that feeling! :( Don't let it get you down. Enjoy your good times together.
ReplyDelete$4k is a lot, Dream! but that sounds like they require a lot of time from you. if you see both of them only once a week and drop all the other POTs, I think it's doable..try them both for 1 month at least and see if you can handle that. if it turns out to be too much, pick one and drop one after a month. Go get that $8k!!
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