Never Trust Your SD

Jason brought me a box of fancy chocolate.  I'm not a big fan of chocolate in general, but mmm they were so good!  I was having a really bad day yesterday so his company and chocolate really made me feel better.  I put on the same sexy lingerie and heels for him but not sure if he liked that look....maybe he is more into girl next door type.  We met more than a year ago.  We have per meeting arrangement but he is somebody I can count on and it has been stable.  Such a sweet guy.

Bad news after bad news.  DK SD cancelled our date and wanted to postpone until next week.  I was really upset.  He was supposed to give me the rest of my monthly allowance today.  We only have once a month arrangement yet he emails me all day every day and asksme to have lunch with him every week and he can't even give me the lousy $500 on time (he gave me $200 so far this month)?  He did give me a Christmas gift but that is just an extra.  We didn't have sex this month but it doesn't matter.  He has me invest so much of my time in our relationship.  Maybe I'm overreacting but I was so angry I wanted to dump him right then.  But I decided not to say anything just yet.  I still haven't responded to his email.

I finally brought up the allowance arrangement to Mr. B in email yesterday.  I told him that we met in mid December, so it's fine he has given me some allowance ($200) each time but starting next month, I'd like the whole amount of $2500 at once or $1250 in two times every month.  To my surprise, he just disappeared on me.  We have been exchanging emails throughout the day every day for the last 2 weeks, so it is obvious that he got it, read it, and decided not to respond, because clearly he never had an intention of giving me the allowance we had agreed on.   We went on 4 dates and we became pretty close to each other...talking about future trip plans and such.  We even took a photo together in front of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center.  We are such a happy couple hand in hand one day, and he drops me the next day like I never existed.  I feel cheap, used, expendable and stupid.  And this is not the first time this sort of thing happened to me.  Seriously...are they playing dumb or are they really that dumb?  Why do they agree to something they aren't capable of doing in the first place?  I'm totally destroyed emotionally.  And I just got $3000 medical bills.  All happened on the same day.

I had dinner with Tom, my business client/friend later.  I was still devastated and started crying in the restaurant.  I just couldn't stop.  I think that betrayal part hurt me more than anything.  I trusted Mr. B.  I told my friend that my business wasn't going well and I lost thousands of dollers.  I said I was supposed to get paid this week and it got cancelled.  I was crying so much and talking crazy...saying stuff like I should auction myself off or give up everything and go back to 9-5 office work.  To make a long story short, Tom ended up giving me $600, which I had to pay the dentist today.  He offered to help me out temporarily until my business picks up again (that really means until I find a new SD, but he doesn't have to know- I never did that good in my business so far in the last 2 years).  Yes we have been hooking up here and there, but he is still a business client/friend to me (and married) and now it's a bit weird and awkward!  He is such a nice guy and really cares about me.  I don't really know how to react/handle/deal with this new situation.  He mentioned that he may be able to give me more on Friday.

I had N over a little after midnight.  I was weak and exhausted.  I couldn't think anymore.  I was just happy to see him.  The perfect ending of the long stressful day.

I woke up this morning feeling better.  I got my spirit back.  I was ready to get back in the game.  I don't stay defeated for too long.  I'm glad I never deleted my account on EM.  I only had my profile hidden from the search results since I met Mr. B.  So now my profile is up and active again.  Probably so is Mr. B's.  He must be already looking for a new cheap fuck who is too naive to believe his words.