Distress And Annoyance

Not exactly horny but I need to get laid.   I need a good one.  I'm stressed out mostly because of work.  I know no job is easy but my line of work can be quite stressful from time to time.  Either I need another trip to a good spa or I need good sex.  N is out of country.  Ron didn't ask me out this weekend even though we have been texting each other every day.  I know he is visiting his mom this weekend.
Maybe I can go shopping..but I have to work all day tomorrow.

I'm watching sex and the city- the episode in which Mr. Big told Carrie that he got engaged.  Mr. Big had told her that he never wanted to get married again while they were dating for 2 years.  Then he got engaged to someone really young only 5 months after they met.  That's similar to what N did to me, now I'm reminded.  He never wanted to be in an official relationship with me for over 2 years because he was comfortable not being in a relationship at this time of his life.  Then early this year he announced out of nowhere that he has a girlfriend.  He just didn't want to be my boyfriend. But he never wanted to stop seeing me.  And we are still seeing each other. Now I'm crying again.  Carrie is saying, "Why her?  Why her?!" My thought exactly.  All the emotions, rage, humiliation, anger and distress are back.  How much longer will I keep doing this to myself?  I feel like breaking up with him again.  I know I can't and I shouldn't right now.  We just got over the pain from our short break a few weeks ago...that pain was intolerable and it was the end of the world for both of us.  No way we can go through that hell again so soon.  He affects my life tremendously both in a good way and in a bad way. 
I wish I was seeing Ron tomorrow night.  I hope I can fall in love with him even harder than I feel for N.  I really want to move on and have a happy ending.  I even mentioned to N about Ron a while ago...I told him that I met someone who might be good for me but I wasn't really dating him yet because of N.  I blamed on N for my hesitation.  He actually suggested a breakup and I said ok, and he took it back a second later.  Then we agreed that we could never break up.  We failed hundreds of times after all.  It's just too hard and we are just too weak.
I know I feel better when I see Ron next time.  Please don't make me wait too long.