One Last Time

So N came over yesterday morning..earlier than I had expected!  I was just getting out of shower.  My hair was wet and absolutely no makeup on!  I wanted to look pretty but oh well.  We made love for a long time..it was a nice change.  It had been always a quickie in his office for a while.  I was super wet and was wondering if my period started. I was that wet! But somehow it didn't feel as good as when we do it on his couch.  Weird.  Well it was really nice to have him back in my apartment. He looked really great naked in my bed.  He doesn't work out but his body is in a great shape.  No fat anywhere. Flat stomach.  I'm much younger than him and I do work out but I'm getting flabby everywhere!!  I seriously need to go on a diet.

Later I met Mr.D at a restaurant in midtown.  We were very happy and smily the whole time.  Of course he asked if I'm back on the website and I told him yes.  I didn't want him to know but of course he knew I would try it again after we broke up.  I just told him that I went on a few dinner dates but I didn't like any of them.  I'm pretty sure food was really good but I was really distracted by his company, I don't remember much about the food...

After dinner, he drove us back to his house in NJ.  First time in his car.  First time in his house. It was strange..he lives in this beautiful house with his wife and kids.  This is his life built with his wife.  I'm not part of it.  I'm just a temporary distraction on the side.  I realized I'm not happy being someone's sugar baby.  I want a life partner too.  I want to share a beautiful house and everything with someone special.  I don't regret that Mr. D and I met.  We had amazing 3 months together.  I don't regret having sex with him one last time.  He told me that he can't go back to where we were.  I knew that.  Probably we will see each other again but not for a long while.  I'm not sure what I want at this point, but I know that I don't want him back.  I need a fresh start.