Before "I Love You"

I can't believe I didn't write for one month.  Sean and I officially became a couple and been living together pretty much.  He still has a place outside of NYC, but he has been staying with me most days while he is looking for a job in the city.  He commutes to the suburb from my place now.  I got rid of most of evidence as a sugar baby in my place.

I have been pretty much avoiding all my SDs.  I haven't cheated on my boyfriend.  I still talk to all of them but not really entertaining them.  I'm surprised that they are all still very much interested in me and sticking around.  No more flirting and no more dirty pictures.  I haven't really thought about what to do with them.  I may see Mr. P for a drink tomorrow night, and Mr. G and I are trying to get together for dinner this week.  I'm not sure what to say to them yet.  Mr. G and I have a very good friendship.  I think we will stay in touch no matter what.  His last SB had a boyfriend, so I'm sure he will understand and will want to continue if I'm up for it.  That's the thing.  I never want to cheat on my boyfriend.  I will not screw this one up.  Yet I'm tiny bit tempted to keep Mr. G as my SD for a little bit longer....

Since I got a new job, my financial situation was improved a little.  I can support myself without allowance from SDs as long as I'm on a budget all the time.  Sean pays for everything whenever we go out.  But he doesn't pay my rent or any other bills, and I have been cooking a lot for us hence I'm spending so much more on grocery shopping.  I have been living off my cash allowance for a few years now so I haven't withdrawn any money from my bank account for so long.  I  deposit my paychecks into my account and I pay my rent and other bills by check.  I use cash for everything else.  Now I'm running low on cash!  Well nobody gives me cash anymore so of course I will run out of cash one day very very soon.  That makes me nervous.  As soon as Sean finds a new job in the city, gets rid of his place in the suburb, and moves in with me completely, then he will pay at least half or more of my bills depending on his salary.  Then I will be totally ok.  He will make tons of money eventually but not just yet.  So meantime, I'm a little bit tempted to play a sugar baby.  Sean hasn't told me that he loves me yet.  It's kinda obvious that we love each other very much, but I want him to be the one who says first.  Can I still be a sugar baby and keep my sugar daddies before "I love you"?

I haven't seen N for so long.  I'm completely over him.  He still sends me messages.  He still wants me.  I'm finally over him for good after 4 years.  Cheers.