After Careful Consideration...

Mario a.k.a Rebecca came over with a bottle of red wine last night.  I didn't see him for over 2 months.  He put on his favorite red dress and a blond wig.  I trimmed his eyebrows and applied shiny lip gloss.  We put up my plastic Christmas tree together while we listened to the holiday music.  All of a sudden, it's Winter. We sang the songs we knew.  It's the most wonderful time of the year...  I'm not that thrilled for the holidays this year.  I was reminded of how Sean didn't invite me to go to his parents' house for Thanksgiving.  I suppose he won't invite me for Christmas either.  He just told me that he would be away for a few days.  He didn't even ask me where I would be for Thanksgiving.  Not only it was upsetting, it was embarrassing for me at the same time.  Of course everyone including my boss asked, "So what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?"  Each time I had to tell them we were celebrating separately.  I'm already stressed out about Christmas.  "So what are you guys doing for Christmas?"  I will have no answer to that.  The worst part is that my family will be 5 minutes away from me but they never see me on holidays.  All these facts put me in a bad mood and I became a little distant to Sean.

I kept thinking about our relationship.  I have no doubt that Sean loves me very much and he is happy with me and wants to stay with me.  Yet a few things have been bothering me.  It's always me initiating everything and planning things for us.  It's always me trying so hard and trying to impress him.  Not the other way around.  Why aren't we friends on facebook? (he is very active on it)  Why won't he introduce me to his parents? (they know I exist though)  I cook for him almost every day, I do his laundry, and practically we have been living together.  I'm even trying to find him a job in the city through my ex-boyfriend (Tom- he was my married bf for a year and now we are still great friends).  He does take me anywhere I want to go and pays for us but I guess I want him to come up with something on his own once in a while.  How about some romantic gestures, you know?

I don't think I should stop sugar dating until I get the assurance from this relationship.  I know Sean will be very successful down the line and we won't have to worry about money in the future, but that's only if we stay together.  If things don't work with Sean, I will end up alone and broke?  No fucking way.  I don't think so.  I think I should save as much as possible until I get engaged.  After I pay all my bills, there's nothing left on my current salary.  Thus I should keep my sugar daddies while I'm still young and desirable.  I should be smart about it and have a plan B.  He may be not the one.  I should take it easy and take my time to get to know him better.  Besides, making money makes me feel better when he leaves me for holidays.  I made good amount of money from sugar business this week while he was away.

Mario kept telling me that I was like a sister to him and our friendship would last forever.  He does pay me for my time yet he is a true friend who cares about me.  Friends stay forever.  Boyfriends come and go.  Mario gave me the double amount of what he usually gave me.  Thank you very much my friend.