My new life, new job, new husband, new me.

Wow, it's been 2 years since I last posted!  I have been thinking about deleting this blog for obvious reasons.  My husband is out of town tonight and I was thinking about old days.  My past.  My blog.  I kinda miss it.  I worked late as always, came home, finished my house chores/duties like doing the dishes (because we don't in the morning), making veggie smoothies in the Vitamix, packing our lunches for work, while I was listening to the piano jazz station on Pandora, I got in a pretty good mood.  I love this station.  It really goes well with wine and cheese.  I feel ecstatic and I haven't felt this way in a while.  Especially because I have been crying these past few days.  Why? We will get to it.

Sean and I got married this year.  We have been married happily most of the time.  I have been 100 % faithful to him.  I haven't seen any of the guys from the past.  Actually I'm pretty upset with many of them.  They all disappeared.  Nobody wanted to stay in touch.  How fucking rude.  Once sex is off the table, I guess nobody wanted to be my friend.  So much for the fake friendships.  I thought some of them really cared about me and wanted to stay friends with me, like they told me repeatedly.  Oh fuck them.

Sean is a lawyer and I'm a paralegal at a major law firm in NYC.  We make so much more money now and our lifestyle changed a bit.  My sugar baby life style became real and full time in my life.  I can afford any fancy meal at any fancy restaurant on my own.  Well, I deserve it.  I have worked so fucking hard to get where I am today.

N and that young "girlfriend" of his, just purchased a condo together (I'm not sure if she put in any money towards it though).  We still keep in touch.  I'm sure he cheats on her, but not with me.   We were supposed to get together this week but it didn't work.  Maybe next week.  I'm 100 % confident that I won't make any mistake with him.  But I do miss him and I want to see him.  Especially now.  I don't need to kiss him or anything but I wish we could cuddle and hold each other.  I just need someone to care about me, and be on my side.  I tell Sean that I feel so alone in this and he is on my side part-time.  He says that's not true.

When I married Sean, I didn't realize I also married his ex-wife.  They have a child together.  Sean, his ex and their child are like a package deal, which I didn't realize prior to our marriage.  His wife, Emily, has been bullying me.  She is so mean to me.  That's why I have been crying.  Here's Sean's advice: assholes are assholes and there's nothing we can do about it.  Yup this is my fucking life now.  I'm just so desperately seeking something.  Anything. 

To be continued.